Hi friend,
It's been a few weeks since I've written, and I'm grateful to be back at it.
I'm grateful to share that I've been sincerely honoring the different levels of healing that a spinal surgery requires.
The first two weeks were just a complete halt of life. I rested, ate well, moved extremely slowly and carefully, watched a ton of movies and TV series, and truly felt grateful for my loving husband's company. He was always very close and took excellent care of me.
In week three, I started to get more energy and felt a deep trust in my full recovery with a few more weeks of taking it easy.
In week four, I was back to work in sessions, and I can't express how much that helped me feel alive again! I truly am grateful to love my work.
Over the last three weeks, I've been going to physical therapy and have been cleared to return to light exercise. I'm attending my first hot yoga class again tonight!
Overall, I'm truly well, but this experience has been quite an education. So, I have a few insights to share that I hope are beneficial for you or a loved one also.
Insight #1: I am a unicorn. This is my way of seeing the bright side of a significan surgical complication. 1 in a 1000 people who have the ACDF procedure (Cervical spinal surgery from the front to replace discs and fuse vertebrae) can get Horner's Syndrome. And I was my neurosurgeon's first case of this...ever.
It is a condition in which a nerve is stretched during surgery to a degree that it causes damage, and the right side of my face drooped.
Initially, they thought this was a stroke, as that is what it looked like visibly. So, day one in the hospital was tough. There were far too many people in my small hospital room from the rapid response team. At least 12 people were in there (no exaggeration), and many carried scary red bags with "RAPID RESPONSE" in all caps on them. Between the difficulty with anesthesia, pain medication, nausea, and the overall intensity of waking up from a significant surgery, there were also multiple new exams, a CT Scan, an MRI, and many concerned faces I've never seen.
In all my efforts to prepare subconsciously and spiritually, it never occurred to me that I should include preparing my nerves. So, while I prepared for a great deal, the first 24 hours were quite traumatic.
Several weeks and many internal healing protocols later, I am elated to share that, at the rate at which this condition has already healed, I am fully confident I will heal completely. The average recovery is 3-6 months, and I feel I'm more than 80% there already. You have to look closely to see the misalignment, and there is no physical discomfort in any way. I am completely pain medication-free for two weeks now.
Left to right: September 2nd, Day 1 (hospital), 1 week, 2 weeks (with my husband on my birthday), 4 weeks, & 6 weeks.
Insight #2: Neurosurgeons specialize: The procedure that I had is a fairly common spinal procedure. However, after my surgery, I learned that neurosurgeons specialize.
Now, getting an appointment with a spinal surgeon in general is a long wait. Meeting the actual surgeon is a longer wait. You have to meet their physician's assistant first and establish if all of the information is complete, such as imaging, the patient's reason for needing care, and anything else they deem relevant for the surgeon, before he or she assesses your case.
I met with three neurosurgeons to get what I thought was a thorough set of opinions and observations of my stenosis case, and none mentioned specialization such as treatment for stenosis or specifically spinal surgery or care for physical diseases such as Parkinson's or brain tumors.
While I found this to be upsetting at first, I quickly moved into a state of acceptance that my surgeon did not specialize in my particular condition. I certainly did not want to discuss the option of another surgery for more appropriate hardware than I have now, nor did I wish to explore the dynamics of the complications that were, in no way, intentional and will fully heal.
I share this to encourage you to share this with others who have a spinal or neurological condition in which they may have to consider surgery. Find doctors who specialize in the relevant procedure or condition. Be an advocate for your care with as much knowledge as you can gain.
I can't even consider the thought, "if I had only known." So, I won't. But I can pass on this insight to you and yours.
Insight #3/ Inner Work is the greatest healer: No matter what we go through, the power of the mind and our deeper attitude is paramount.
Even though these past few weeks have been a roller coaster, I trust my outcome, my healing, and that my intentions for my future are completely sound and in check!
I've truly embraced getting quiet in prayer and meditation far more often than before the surgery. Through these intensive few weeks, I've reached a beautiful, heightened connection with the Divine, which has confirmed the wisdom that so much of what our life appears to be on the surface is truly driven by what our soul is experiencing within.
I have to add here that immediately following the surgery, the work that I had done spiritually and subconsciously did show itself. Before the procedure, my primary difficulty was dexterity and balance. I struggled terribly with my handwriting and lacked nimbleness in the kitchen, with buttons, etc. I was also terribly off balance and felt like I could trip or fall frequently. All of this resolved immediately on the day of the surgery! I had to sign several papers in the hospital, and I knew right away that I had full dexterity again. Over the next three days, I realized my balance was better. That has only improved over these last seven weeks and I could not be more grateful.
Overall, I deeply trust that my body will heal fully. I am very relieved to know that my risk of paralysis from the type and placement of my stenosis is far lower, if not gone. I have full acceptance that while my procedure and choice of surgeon were not ideal, I am healthy, getting stronger, and will continue to move forward with all of my life's intentions from a more stable and nimble place.
I hope these insights offer value and if you have any questions about my experience, please email me at connect@paularobbins.com.
With love,
Paula~
P.S. Should you ever need a surgery and wish to be fully mentally and soulfully prepared, click here to learn more about my Pre-Surgery Hypnotherapy session.
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